Even in my earliest childhood memories I remember how ambitious I was: I remember that when being three I was very upset about not being able to ride my three-wheeled bike as fast as my brother. I have always been extremely persistent and determined to develop, train and work hard in order to be the best. This quality of mine was praised both by my parents and teachers and I was seen as a highly motivated student and a keen sportswoman with a huge potential.
However, as the time passed, I started feeling that there was something wrong with the way I identified myself. Despite my achievements, I was never satisfied and positive about myself. In any task I managed to perform successfully I found certain drawbacks and saw the ways of improving it. I was studying harder and harder and training more and more, but somehow the results still did not make me happy. Soon I realized I was in the grasp of a deep psychosis and needed professional help.
It took me a long time to single out my problem and learn how to fight it and live with it, which was called perfectionism: I wanted to be ideal, the most beautiful, the most intelligent, and the fittest. I wanted it so much that in my race to meet my own expectations I forgot to live and enjoy the moment of the journey to my destination. I got into a vicious circle: having achieved a goal, I saw better opportunities and the achievement seemed to lose its value immediately, and it was a way to self-destruction. Now I try to accept the real me, to love myself as I am and respect my way to the goal, which makes me feel much happier.